Gifted Children and Social Behavior

There's no doubt, gifted children march to the beat of a different drum, especially when it comes to social behavior. You'll remember from our previous blogs that gifted children aren't motivated by the same things that motivate other children. This might often be most readily apparent with their social behavior, including who they select as friends.

Gifted children will pick friends who not only possess the same interests as they do, but also who are their intellectual peers. Basically, gifted children tend to seek out other gifted children to hang out with (so it could be said that one way to determine if your child is gifted is whether they befriend other gifted children).

Because their selection of peers might tend more toward intellectual capacity, gifted children might not recognize normal social barriers and see no problem befriending adults and discussing with them topics that might pose challenging even between two adult peers. One of our favorite stories of our own son is that, at about 10, he had no problem discussing the biology of human reproductivity at dinner out one night with another couple, including details of how "squirms" (he meant the plural of sperm) were able to swim on their way to fertilization. The gifted child is comfortable with discussing the facts with anyone willing to listen!

Just as there are differences in types of intelligences (and perhaps directly related to these differences), social behavior can differ among gifted children. Our son was (and still is) highly selective with his friends, and their play tended more toward intellectual pursuits than otherwise (exploring rather than playing, building and constructing rather than exercising). Our daughter, on the other hand, was (and still is) much less selective but much more creative and representing much more complex relationships. If you haven't guessed, our son tends to be more analytically gifted while our daughter tends toward creatively gifted.

There may be some truth to the stereotype of the antisocial super-intelligent child (or adult, for that matter), but it's less a matter of antisocial behavior and more a matter of fewer and fewer intellectual peers for them to interact with. They are, after all, in the thinning end of the IQ bell curve. This is another reason why we believe so strongly in gifted education: it gives the gifted child more opportunity to identify intellectual peers.

Gifted Children and Academic Performance

For the next few blogs we're going to share some experiences with our own children on each of the 5 ways that gifted children differ from bright children that we covered in our previous blog, Your Child Is Bright, But Is He Gifted?  In this blog, we'll talk about academic performance.

Gifted children make all A's, right?  Not necessarily.  We were very fortunate that both of our children naturally (i.e. without much pushing from Mom and Dad) took grades seriously, but this isn't always the case with gifted children.  Often, the gifted child doesn't particularly care about grades.  That was the case for us parents when we (ourselves) were in school.  Our children, on the other hand, perhaps took grades too seriously; if they didn't get A's, they were upset and ashamed, i.e. they took it too hard.  Being too self-critical when it comes to grades is a common trait among gifted children.

It is true that gifted children might not have to work hard to get good grades.  In fact, they might only listen in class, never study, make brief notes at best, and consistently make As and Bs.  They just get it easily.  Once they hit a topic that challenges them, they might not be accustomed to having to focus, so this can eventually pose a problem.  This is one of the reasons we think that gifted education is so vitally important.  For example, our son had always been able to "skate" through class, but once he got to college and took Physics and Calculus, he found he couldn't do that; he actually had to study.  Our daughter, now in college, is having to grapple with Philosophy, which she probably thought was going to be an easy A.  We'll report back on how they're both doing toward the end of the semester.

Parents will notice that children, like adults, organize themselves into groups--for social and many other reasons.  In the classroom it will be interesting to the parents of gifted children to observe the groups their children participate in.  You might think that gifted children will form their own clique, and while this might be true, often gifted children are totaly outside the academically bright cliques, or "groups of their own".  Our own children both followed this pattern, though somewhat differently: our son was much more individualistic, highly selective of his peers, while our daughter was much less selective but tended to assemble or partipate in groups that were - how shall we say? - "creatively unique".  Note that gifted children aren't just the kids that excel in math and science, but also the ones who are exceptionally creative (think Picaso vs. Einstein); our daughter is more of the creatively gifted type.  We'll talk about types of intelligences in future blogs.

Finally, gifted children, because they are motivated in much different ways than other children, often don't pander to their teachers.  It's been said that bright children are teacher pleasers, gifted children are not.  Gifted children often pursue their own intellectual interests, even if they are at odds with the teacher's goals (this can obviously lead to poor grades, or the incorrect label of "unmotivated").  Gifted children will ask their own questions, perhaps before they bother to answer the questions their teachers asked.  We can hardly say that our son bothered himself with pleasing any teacher, but he was more than willing to report to us when a teacher said something incorrect.  Our daughter, on the other hand, tended to be at odds with teachers a little more frequently than our son; her creative approach was often misunderstood by her teachers.

The most important thing to remember about gifted children: academic performance--A's and B's--are not directly related to their capabilities.

Your Child Is Bright, But Is He Gifted? How to Tell...

There are significant differences between bright children who are achieving great things in school and truly gifted children. The federal Elementary and Secondary Education Act defines gifted and talented students as “Students, children, or youth who give evidence of high achievement capability in areas such as intellectual, creative, artistic, or leadership capacity, or in specific academic fields, and who need services and activities not ordinarily provided by the school in order to fully develop those capabilities.” [Title IX, Part A, Definition 22. (2002)] Many states follow the federal definition. The definitive measure of course is the child’s Intelligence Quotient (IQ). Depending on the state you live in, “gifted” may be defined as having an IQ of 121 (100 is considered an average IQ) or higher or the combination of a number of factors including mental ability, academic performance, and creativity.

All parents think that their child is special, but short of having your child tested, how might you tell that he is truly gifted? Having an idea of whether your child is gifted gives you, the parent, a head start on giving him the guidance that he needs and deserves; the educational needs of gifted children are as important as any other special learning need, indeed we believe that gifted children have a right to appropriate educational guidance.

The following five areas should give you an idea of whether your child is bright or more—gifted. In this article we assume your child is old enough to have had some formal classroom work, but it is possible to detect whether a younger child—even an infant—is displaying qualities of a gifted intelligence; this latter topic we’ll save for a future article.

1. Academic Performance – Bright children naturally perform well in school. They get A’s, willingly complete their assignments, are pleased with learning, and work hard to achieve. Bright children will learn with ease, are attentive, and remember answers. On the other hand, gifted children may not be motivated by grades, will initiate their own assignments, are frequently very self-critical, and simply know without having to work hard. Gifted children may seem inattentive but are actually selectively engaged, excelling at that which interests them most. Gifted children don’t just remember answers, they pose their own questions. Bright children perform at the top of their class or group, but gifted children are beyond the group or are in their own group. Bright children are typically teacher pleasers, whereas gifted children can be the bane of a teacher’s existence.

2. Social Behavior – Not only can gifted children be beyond, or in their own, academic group, they may create their own social groups. Bright children seek peers of their own age and interests; gifted children seek peers of their own intellect and therefore often prefer the conversation of adults. Bright children understand complex and abstract humor, and enjoy school and other opportunities to learn. Gifted children, however, create complex abstract humor (or enjoy off-the-wall humor) and tend to prefer self-directed learning over formal schooling.

3. Imagination and Ideas – Bright children generate advanced ideas and comprehend at high levels. Gifted children generate highly complex, often abstract, ideas, and their ideas are often in great abundance; they also comprehend ideas at a much more complex and abstract level than other children. Bright children tend to memorize and recall well, while gifted children guess, infer, and produce their own unique ideas well; gifted children are natural brainstormers, fountains of original ideas. Gifted children will create complex stories and will often converse freely with practically anyone willing to listen.

4. Curiosity – Bright children exhibit interest and respond with opinions, gifted children are thoroughly curious and exhibit opinions from multiple perspectives. While bright children explore problems in detail, gifted children ponder the problems in great depth. Bright children are receptive to exploring problems and are alert and observant; gifted children are intense in their exploration of problems and are not merely observant, they anticipate (predict) and relate their observations.

5. Learning – Bright children master tasks in 6 to 8 repetitions while gifted children master the same tasks in 1 to 3 repetitions. Bright children easily grasp the meanings of topics, produce accurate and complete work, and seem to easily absorb information. On the other hand, gifted children infer and connect concepts, not just meanings; they produce work of an original nature; and they don’t just absorb information, they manipulate it. Gifted children often balk at having to do repetitive practice of skills; they just don’t see the value of practice when they have already mastered the task.

Does your child exhibit behaviors and qualities that are more like bright children or gifted children? If the latter, the first thing you should do is meet with his teacher and ask as many questions as you can, though keep in mind that your child’s teacher is likely not an expert in gifted education. Recognizing that your gifted child needs special attention is a critical first step in their education.

Sources: “High Achiever, Gifted Learner, Creative Thinker” by Bertie Kingore, Ph.D.; “Note the Difference” by Janice Szabos, Challenge Magazine.